You will not learn what is wrong with the kitchen by asking her whether it works. You learn it by walking the house on a video call, slowly, while she narrates where things are and where she has quietly stopped going. The question is not whether the house is too big or too small. The question is which things she reaches without thinking, which she reaches only with effort, and which she has been working around without telling you.
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Walk the three daily zones on video
Ask her to carry the phone from the kitchen to the bathroom and then to the bedroom closet, describing as she goes. Keep the call short enough that she does not have to stand the whole time. Ask her to show you the three things she uses every day, such as her cup, her frying pan, and her everyday shoes. Watch for the moments she bends low, stretches overhead, opens a cabinet with both hands, or steps onto something to get a single item. Those are the places where the fit has already failed, even if she has not said so.
Pay attention to the things she has stopped mentioning. If the mugs moved to a new cabinet, if the cereal lives on the counter instead of in the pantry, or if the dish towels now hang on the oven door, she has been adjusting the house to her body without calling it a problem. That adjustment is information. Note it, and ask about it kindly, without making it a test.
Measure the shelf, not the memory
When you can, ask her to hold a tape measure against the shelf where her plates or mugs live now, and read you the height from the floor. Write the number down. Then ask her to show you the height where she reaches without bending or stretching. You are comparing two numbers, the shelf she uses and the reach she has. If the shelf she uses is much higher or much lower than the reach she is comfortable with, that gap is what you are sizing. Do not guess it by eye from a photo, and do not assume that the cabinet you remember from the last visit is still the one she uses.
Check the less obvious spots too. Look at the top of the refrigerator, the back of the lowest cabinet, the drawer that sticks, and the laundry basket route from the bedroom to the machine. Ask whether there is a stool or chair she uses to reach something. If there is, note where it lives and how often she climbs on it. A stool kept near the counter is a risk you want to move into the house plan, not something to discover later.
Move only what she can reach easily
Do not reorganize the whole house from the phone. Pick the single shelf that holds the items she uses most, and plan to move those items to the zone she reaches comfortably, which is usually between her hip and her shoulder when she stands normally. Keep heavy pots, glass, and anything she lifts with both hands at the lowest reachable height, and leave nothing she needs daily above her head or on a step. If a useful item cannot fit in that zone, decide with a local helper or family member where it goes, rather than asking her to climb for it.
Write down what you decide and send her a short list. A written list lets her keep the house in her own order while you agree on where the high-use items should sit. It also gives the person who does the moving a clear plan, so nobody has to ask you across a long distance which shelf to clear.
What to do tonight
Send her one question tonight: which three things do you use every day, and where do they live? Ask her to text you a photo of each place. Then ask her to tell you which of those places she has to stretch, bend, or climb to reach. When you have the photos, pick one shelf to empty into the zone she reaches easily, and arrange for someone local to move it in the morning. If you do not have anyone local yet, the Local Help for a St. Louis Parent page explains what to look for.
What to leave with the doctor
Bring a short list of the reaches and movements you have seen or she has described, such as lifting a pot from the stove, reaching an overhead shelf, or getting down to a low cabinet. Ask the doctor whether any of those movements are safe for her to keep doing on her own, and whether anything in her daily routine should change. The doctor can judge her body. You are the one who can see the house, so leave the doctor with the movements and let them decide what they mean. Do not ask the doctor to rearrange the kitchen.
If you want to know how these guides are put together, the How We Write page explains the approach, and the Sources page lists the public references behind our guides.